MIT: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend." "Have some fries."


Wellesley: "God, I'm desperate." "Me, too. Pass the tea."


Caltech:"I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend." "Have some fries."


Swarthmore: "I got a B." "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."


Stanford: "Dude, I got a B." "Chill dude. Anywhere else it would have been a C. Have some fries."


Vanderbilt: "I didn't get into my sorority because my daddy doesn't make enough money." "Don't cry princess. Have some Baked Lays."


Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend." "Poor dear. Have some escargot."


Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?" "Nope. Have some fries."


Barnard: "I sure wish there were some men here." "Have a banana."


Vassar: "I'm so stressed and by the way, I'm gay." "Ditto. Have some fries."


Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend. It was %$#%in awesome." "Have some beer."


Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League." "Here drink the fry grease."


Bucknell: "Oh my God, I spilled beer all over my J.Crew catalog." "Here, look through mine. Have a Bison Burger."

Georgetown: "I've got five mid-terms tomorrow." "Yeah, me too. Let's finish this keg and go laugh at the American U. students."


Univ. Colorado, Boulder: "I O.D'd on Ecstasy last night." "Bummer. Pass the Ecstasy."


William & Mary: "Damn, I wish I didn't have to wear this stupid colonial outfit." "Me too. Pass the glass-blowing equipment."


Smith: "Oh my gosh! I love your hair." "Sorry, I'm straight.. Pass the fries."