COLLEGE "BURGER JOINT" CONVERSATIONS FROM AROUND THE NATION:

 

MIT: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend." "Have some fries."

 

Wellesley: "God, I'm desperate." "Me, too. Pass the tea."

 

Caltech:"I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend." "Have some fries."

 

Swarthmore: "I got a B." "Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."

 

Stanford: "Dude, I got a B." "Chill dude. Anywhere else it would have been a C. Have some fries."

 

Vanderbilt: "I didn't get into my sorority because my daddy doesn't make enough money." "Don't cry princess. Have some Baked Lays."

 

Princeton: "My father took away my Porsche this weekend." "Poor dear. Have some escargot."

 

Harvard: "Did you do anything this weekend?" "Nope. Have some fries."

 

Barnard: "I sure wish there were some men here." "Have a banana."

 

Vassar: "I'm so stressed and by the way, I'm gay." "Ditto. Have some fries."

 

Dartmouth: "Oh man, I got so trashed this weekend. It was %$#%in awesome." "Have some beer."

 

Tufts: "I wish I were Ivy League." "Here drink the fry grease."

 

Bucknell: "Oh my God, I spilled beer all over my J.Crew catalog." "Here, look through mine. Have a Bison Burger."

Georgetown: "I've got five mid-terms tomorrow." "Yeah, me too. Let's finish this keg and go laugh at the American U. students."

 

Univ. Colorado, Boulder: "I O.D'd on Ecstasy last night." "Bummer. Pass the Ecstasy."

 

William & Mary: "Damn, I wish I didn't have to wear this stupid colonial outfit." "Me too. Pass the glass-blowing equipment."

 

Smith: "Oh my gosh! I love your hair." "Sorry, I'm straight.. Pass the fries."