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CollegeHumor

 

HOW MANY STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB AT...

 

SCHOOL SLOGANS

 

COLLEGE "BURGER JOINT" CONVERSATIONS FROM AROUND THE NATION:

 

FINAL EXAM

 

THE TRUTH ABOUT COLLEGE

 

Ten Reasons that College is like Preschool

 

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...

 

Before I came to college I wish I had known...

 

WHAT THE UNIVERSITY HANDBOOKS DON'T TELL YOU

 

The Night Before Finals

 

Professor from Hell

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So. You think you are ready for the:
FINAL EXAM


Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.
Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.

History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis.

Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Ramses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision.

Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy, and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any.

Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand.

Chemistry: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

Physics: Explain the universe. Show all your work. List two examples.

Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.