SCHOOL SLOGANS

It was clear that one day the Ivy League would grow desperate. The year was 2020, the average tuition (per year) for each institution was $84,242 and they just weren't getting enough applicants. So they decided to advertise in the middle of Sesame Street episodes, to differentiate themselves from their competitors. Read on for their masterful slogans...

 

BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!!!

 

COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you planning on transferring to another Ivy school after your freshman year? COME TO COLUMBIA!!!

 

HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you never want to have another teacher again? And what about a social life? Do you hate that too? COME TO HARVARD!!!

 

PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do you have any idea what an eating club is? Are you pompous? Can you learn to be? Are you the smartest person you know? How many clubs were you in in high school? Have you always dreamed of living in the great state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!!!

 

PENN: Hey kids! Did you like high school a lot? How about four more years of the same? Are you dying to visit scenic West Philadelphia? Does the concept of rigorous academics scare you? COME TO PENN!!!

 

CORNELL: Hey kids! Do you hate intimacy? Are you interested in jumping off high places? Have you ever wanted to converse with future hotel managers? Do you like bureaucracy? Do you like archaic forms and the chance to stand in lines with the best and brightest? COME TO CORNELL-The Big Red Tape!!!

 

YALE: Hey kids! Do you want to get shot? COME TO YALE!!!

 

DARTMOUTH: Hey kids! Do you hate civilization? Looking to get away from stuff like culture and people? Do you like to drink? Do you like to drink some more? Do you like to continue to drink? And what's your feeling on drinking? COME TO DARTMOUTH!!!

 

VANDERBILT: Hey kids! Do you like to sweat? Does binge drinking in your room before you go out sound like fun? Do you enjoy being around rich blondes and finding a date to watch a football team that sucks? Come to Vandy!!!

 

M.I.T.: Hey kids! Are you a freakish nerd? Do you want to be? Do you hate doing anything that doesn't involve math? That's right, math! Math math math math math! COME TO M.I.T.!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!