Chile Con Carne 

Button Mushrooms (they are a heck of a lot more fun than the stupid
slices, also refrain from using toadstools unless you are serving
a group of people who you do not care for.)
2 cans of Kidney beans
2 cans of chili beans
1 Bell peper
1 onion
1 lb. of ground chuck
chili powder ("to excess," as Mr. Oliver taches us in Chemistry)
about 20 of those little packets of salasa and hot sauce you get at 
Taco Bell
1 can of Tomato paste
1 can of tomatoes (extemely optional-- i hate them, but my mom makes
me include them)

1.) Get a big 'ol pot (the kind you cook in) and put it on your nifty range eye, which should be on high.
2.) Cut up the onion and toss it in the pot (the one you cook in) and 
toss the meat in to let brown. To brown the meat, you put it 
into the (cooking) pot and break it up and play little games with it until it turns brown.
3.) Toss in all that other crap into the pot (that you are cooking in)
and turn the heat down to about 4 or 5. Put a lid on the pot 
(that you are cooking in) and go make yourself useful by doing
something else while stopping periodicly to stir the pot (that 
the food is in) and to steal a mushroom.